Now What?

I was told that my job is being excessed. Not only mine–200 people in the district building where I work and more in schools. So . . . now what?

I’m still shackled by student loans, so I must have a job–a good one with benefits. But this is a chance! It’s an opportunity to redefine myself. I want to look around and do my best to detect what else I could . . . can . . . might be able to do. Still, I start to walk in a direction such as freelance writer or travel writer or curriculum writer or . . . or . . ., and JOLT! the chains on these shackles yank me back to long, tedious applications for education jobs that will pay the bills and give me security if I should need to see a doctor, dentist, and an update on my reading glasses. I’m not going to lie, there is a lot of comfort in those things.

But what if Kenobi and I could travel as I’ve wanted to for so long now? What if we could just take our time driving around all 48 continental US states, stopping wherever we wanted, hiking, camping, improve fishing skills, and taking pictures of people, places, and things. And what if we could motivate others to do the same: “Go! It’s an hour from your city! See these remarkable things with your own eyes!” What if I could use these experiences to teach about US geography and history?! Kenobi’s travels . . . What if . . .

I once read an extension to that saying about the closed door and an open window. It states something about not seeing the window because you keep staring at the closed door. Is that what I’m doing? Staring at a closed door that I really didn’t mind seeing shut in my face? It’s not unreasonable to stick with what you know–what all of your experiences and education brought you to, right? Anyway, I need to get out of this space somehow–window, door, crevice.

I bought a lottery ticket. What a completely useless act to add disappointment to one’s life. By all accounts, I should be sitting on $500+ million dollars.

I’m not looking for answers. I guess I just want to send this out into the cyber abyss to set my worries free if only for a moment.